Gone peeing

No. 1 or No. 2?

I'm going to start announcing my whereabouts like this woman at the Culinaria garage tollbooth. She didn't say whether she washed her hands afterward.

A say-something-hat day

Does anybody still wear a hat? Yes, apparently.

I'm trying to start the new year with a faster iPhone, so I'm clearing off and archiving some photos. I took this picture of some guys in funny hats at the Arch early this summer.

Finally, a real person at Charter

A screengrab of my riveting exchange
with @CharterDylan

While Penny Hubbard's comically large necklace is entertaining, those Charter Christmas PSAs with elected officials urging us to "refrain from texting while driving" are just awful. One would hope politicians could deliver words in a more convincing manner.

Last night, after seeing roughly 10 of the ads over the course of two hours, I Tweeted. And this morning, Charter responded.

After years of horrible customer service from Charter, this is refreshing — just knowing someone is listening. Thanks, @CharterDylan!

Find more real people from Charter: http://www.charter.com/Umatter2Charter.

Dear Esquire:

Words mean things, too.

Give it a rest with the obscured coverlines.

Holy nutcrackers

Note that Mary uses her chin and not her mouth.
And that the baby Jesus is vaguely nut-shaped. 

Weird.

Here comes 30

Omits time of birth: 2:38 a.m.

Also, Grandma gave me this: a card (written by Mom) that Dad gave her on the day I was born, nearly 30 (30!!) years ago.

Lordy.

From the archives

No free buffet lunches were won with these cards. Ever.

Grandma just pulled out her wallet to show me some photos, and this caught my eye: my business card from the college newspaper, The Capaha Arrow, circa 2003.

God, the kerning on that P-A pair is awful. I've come a long way.

Amy Sedaris on 'WWHL'

Mostly, I'm posting this here so I can rewatch it at my leisure. But you can enjoy it, too.

Theater review: Circus gets upstaged in 'Cirque Dreams Holidaze'

"Cirque Dreams Holidaze," now playing at the Fox Theatre, is surprisingly short on cirque.

Not traditional clowns-and-elephants circuses, Cirque Dreams' shows are heavy on theatrics and original music. But those elements aren't particularly strong in this incarnation of the franchise, created and directed by Neil Goldberg.

While none of the circus acts in "Holidaze" are especially astounding, they are a pleasure to watch: A pair of aerialists twist and glide through a spinning ring; a cooing baby elf climbs high into the air on a tower of chairs and milk bottles; a pair of penguin roller-skaters race atop a circular platform; and a husband-and-wife team performs a beautiful aerial dance with a long piece of fabric, often soaring above the first few rows of the audience.

But there's a lot competing for attention, and too often the circus is upstaged by the other characters. Even the busy set is distracting, and the dim, neon lighting doesn't do much to highlight what we're supposed to pay attention to.

"Holidaze" attempts, like too many circuses, to have a plot: The Christmas ornaments have come to life. It's a fun idea, but there is little follow-through, making every scene feel random. Several odd characters come and go for no reason, including a moon-headed couple resembling onetime McDonald's mascot Mac Tonight and a group of eerie, floating children's faces. In one scene, actors appear, inexplicably, with hand puppets.

"Holidaze" comes with the requisite audience interaction, including a child who is plucked from the crowd and sent onstage (too soon we determine the child is with the cast) and a fun (albeit belabored) routine where a conductor teaches five audience members to play handbells.

The show includes a few familiar Christmas tunes, but the original music and lyrics by Jill Winters and David Scott are forgettable. It's often a struggle to decipher what the songs are about, though more than one hint, oddly, at the economy.

Emily Matheson, in a hoopy dress that seems taken from Lady Gaga's closet, is a standout, singing beautifully as the Ice Queen. It's a shame she doesn't have better material to work with.

There is plenty here for children to enjoy — if they're not scared by the show's dark undertones. But grown-ups likely will be the ones who leave "Cirque Dreams Holidaze" feeling a bit dazed and confused.

By Gabe Hartwig • ©2010 St. Louis Post-Dispatch, STLtoday.com • Published 12.23.10

Postal Service: Sorry we destroyed and lost your mail

We care.

Half an envelope, redacted for my protection.

A portion of an envelope once containing a Christmas card arrived in my mailbox today. Thanks, United States Postal Service.

A holiday surprise

Handmade social-media ornaments on the Christmas
tree at my desk. Also visible are Weatherbird's
underpants and a monkey wearing a crown.

I just noticed somebody left some awesome social-media ornaments on my Barbie-size Christmas tree! I have a feeling it was Erica. Or Weatherbird.

Features potluck

My plate. Oy.

Thank goodness Holiday Potluck Week is over. Last Tuesday was the features department potluck, and Wednesday was the newsroom potluck. There was so much tasty food, which made me want to nap at my desk.

Tuesday, I contributed a delicious mushroom bread pudding (the brownish pile at the bottom); Wednesday I just ate.

Christmas at the Galleria

Horizontal.

Vertical.

Pickle surprise

Pickles in pouches at Sam's Club

Warning: You cannot unsee this.

What's for dinner?

Semi-homemade.

Tonight, I made fettuccine with shrimp and pesto-cream sauce. Cheese-filled breadsticks by Market Pantry. Neighbor Betsey stopped by and mocked me for photographing it.

Snowy Locust Street

Looking east

Looking west

The view from the roof of the garage. Just moments before these photos were taken, I fell down on the ice in the garage. My bag of Jack in the Box breakfast was unharmed.

Gym, tan, laundry, arcade

Arcade situation.

More adventures in WTF'ery at Crestwood Court.

Mannequin orgy

Capacity: six naked mannequins

Couldn't resist photographing this scene outside the fitting rooms at the Gap at Crestwood Court. If you count these guys, there were 10 people in the mall that day.

Like, a food emergency?

Food-court emergency

I don't understand how Crestwood Court stays afloat. I only go for its Gap, which is always dead but with many discounts.

Workers pack the P-D with protective Styrofoam

Looking east at the Post-Dispatch at 900 N. Tucker Blvd.
The top of the black portion of the building is street level.

Looking north from the remaining portion of North Tucker Boulevard.
In the distance, trucks are hauling in more Styrofoam blocks. 

I stood outside watching the Tucker Boulevard construction for a long time today. These Styrofoam blocks are going in because the Post-Dispatch's basement walls weren't built to withstand the weight of dirt. Dirt and street will go on top. Fascinating.

Theater review: NonProphets' 'Reckless' is a no-frills holiday treat

Christmas has arrived early, and we owe the NonProphet Theater Company (and maybe even Santa) a nice thank-you card for giving us "Reckless," which closes the company's 2010 season on a happily sardonic note.

The dark comedy by Craig Lucas ("The Light in the Piazza," "Prelude to a Kiss") plays out over 20 years, beginning one snowy Christmas Eve when Tom (played by Tom Lehmann) confesses to his wife, Rachel (Michelle Hand), that he's hired a hit man to kill her.

Rachel flees into the darkness, still wearing her nightgown and slippers, and begins a road to self-discovery and eventual happiness.

While "Reckless" isn't exactly a show about Christmas, the holiday serves as a touchstone to mark the progression of time and highs and lows in Rachel's life.

Hand — full of energy and possessing a crystal-clear understanding of the character — delivers a superb Rachel. Her performance is compelling to the point where we find ourselves sharing many of the emotions Rachel experiences. (Also, Hand is adorable.)

Ben Ritchie displays good range as Lloyd, a soft-spoken physical therapist, and Katie Donnelly is his wife, Pooty, a paraplegic mute. The two adopt Rachel into their family, and, as she soon learns, the couple is hiding more than a few secrets.

The cast also includes, playing multiple roles, Raynard Fox, Elizabeth Graveman and Theresa Masters (who expertly portrays six different therapists).

The characters in "Reckless" seem to exist in a world with no authority figures. And we aren't even sure why Tom decided to have Rachel killed — the domino that sets the whole thing into motion. The show is dominated by so many plot twists that her attempted murder turns out to not be crucial information anyway.

NonProphet is a company known for its no-frills style, and director Robert Mitchell doesn't stray from that method with "Reckless." At times — a scene where an actor holds a telephone and wears a sign reading "I am a phone booth," for instance — the production feels almost like a skit. The scenery and props are adequate, if a little shabby, but the actors are what matter here.

By Gabe Hartwig • ©2010 St. Louis Post-Dispatch, STLtoday.com • Published 12.08.10

Looking like Christmas

After a week of shlepping boxes up from the basement, moving furniture around and replacing nonworking lights, the annual Holiday Masterpiece is complete. Ta-da.

I know what someone is getting for Christmas